How to Cope

Being depressed is not easy, it is distressing and you may have mixed feelings.  It must be remembered that it is an ILLNESS and that it is in no way, shape or form your fault that you are suffering it.  You are NOT HOPELESS and WEAK and 1 in 6 mothers are in the same boat as you.  YOU WILL GET BETTER.

Living with someone who is depressed is not easy either.  You may find it frustrating and increasingly difficult to live with somebody with PND.  Hang in there as it WILL get better.  However, there are some simple ground rules to help you cope with her:

SHE MAY or WILL NEED:

• LOVE and UNDERSTANDING.
• Encouragement to seek HELP.
• You to take the INITIAL step in seeking HELP.
• SUPPORT, however hard things seem to get.
• REASSURANCE that she is not going mad, REINFORCE that it is an illness that will get better and that you are there for her.
• HELP for BOTH of you - maybe a babysitter to enable you some quality time alone.

SHE WON'T NEED:

• You or anybody else telling her to PULL HERSELF TOGETHER.  She is trying her best and already feels bad, this will only make her worse.
• To be encouraged to DRINK excessive alcohol or be supplied with it.  This will not make the depression lift it will make it worse.
• You to LEAVE HER even if she is proving impossible or difficult to live with.  Take time out, go to a different room until you are more relaxed.  Leaving her would make her more vulnerable to alcoholism or suicide.
• To be LEFT ALONE with the baby for LONG PERIODS.  This may increase symptoms.  Try to encourage her to invite friends over whilst you are at work.

The following is advice for anyone suffering with PND:

• Try to get plenty of REST.  Try napping when the baby naps.  You don't have to do all the housework its not going to go anywhere.  Just pace it out.

• Contact  a self help group.

• Accept the fact that you will not be able to do as much as you could before the baby was born.  This may mean reducing commitments.
• Accept HELP when it is offered.  IT IS NOT A FAILURE.
• Maintain a normal DIET as you will need all the energy you can get for looking after the baby.
• Drink plenty and EXERCISE.  Exercise can make you feel better even if its just a walk locally, at least it will get you out of the house.
• Try TALKING to somebody in depth about how you feel.  It feels a relief to get it off your chest.  Remember, DON'T BOTTLE THINGS UP.
• Remember to involve your PARTNER.  He will be concerned about you and your illness.  It might be beneficial to encourage him to speak to your Health Visitor and/or GP to help him understand things better.
• Try TALKING to OTHER MUMS.  If you don't feel like going out you can always talk Online.  You will find other mums feeling the same to share advice and experiences with.
• Aim to have some QUALITY TIME together with your PARTNER or by yourself.  The best time if you can't get a babysitter is when the baby is sleeping.
• Keeping a Diary of how you are feeling may help you to offload your feelings.  This can also be done online.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that you have PND.  The aim of this website is to offer you support and advice that will help you to recover.