Dad's page

Dad's Page

DAD'S PAGE

This was written by my ex husband and gives the perspective of PND from partners

It has been difficult for me to see my wife suffer PND and know how frustrated she is and that this is not her being herself. She tries so hard and I try to help her as best I can. The problem is that I have suffered too. By not saying anything to her for ages made it more difficult. After all why should I tell her that I'm feeling lonely when she is suffering PND.

*TALKING is so important.

*telling your partner/wife you UNDERSTAND/ACKNOWLEDGE she suffers PND.

*READING about PND helps you to understand.

*Giving her SPACE but letting her know that you will do what you can for her.

*Having as many supportive FAMILY and FRIENDS around you is so important. Unfortunately for Lisa and I our friends and family live so far away.

It is hard but at the same time very important to show your child a happy household. Babies pick up the bad vibes. One of the special moments we share as a family is our sons bath time. We have that moment to laugh and form a routine.

I have admitted for the first time that I have a problem with the whole family thing. I won't go to the doctors and I won't take pills or medicines. I grew up believing that I was a strong person and that pills don't work and doctors don't get it right. But I do know that I also am suffering some form of mild depression.

As a NEW FATHER there are a lot of thoughts and pressures on you and it deepens when your wife/partner suffers PND. You find that you get frustrated when you can't help your wife get better. You are frustrated with yourself because of the lack of sex, your primal instinct, and of course, your time now belongs to your child. These were all culture shocks for me. I don't mind now but it has been a battle to change my ideas.

I want my wife back at the way she was. I hope that I have been as supportive to her as I possibly could. Some people think fathers have it easy but its not true, we don't talk about it as much. I have found it difficult to find other men in my position to talk to. To get together with and just let off some steam, men who are in the same position and therefore understand one another.

One of the biggest problems was not having anyone to talk to. Being afraid to tell people how I feel sometimes.

One thing that I strongly believe in is the need for having honest genuine people ariund you giving positive support.

I also believe on thing that is needed is local groups for men to go to, to talk and let off steam and share their stories of being new dads - that way you would get to meet men in your position. It reassures you that you are not the only dad suffering.

Again I stress that it isn't anything like what your partner suffers. I would, as a new dad like to talk to other new dads just to know there are other dads like me wanting to talk about how they feel.

If you are a new dad or a dad who never had the opportunity to talk about how you felt then please get in touch or post a message on the Dads Board.

Daddy has also written a poem:

My wife suffers Post Natal Depression

And this poem is my confession;

I do my best to understand

To try and talk and hold her hand

But with this illness she can't control

the way she feels; I can't console

I sometimes feel so left out

That I feel I need to shout

I take the brunt but try to see

That my wife does not hate me

I have not seen any information for men